Thursday, April 4, 2013

D is for Danger

Did you ever notice that “danger” has “anger” in it? What does that say to you? When we’re talking relationships, chronic anger can be a deal-breaker.


As Romance Righter on Twitter (@RomanceRighter), I sometimes get questions from Tweeps about relationship issues. I try to answer them in a practical, commonsense way. Here’s what I have to say about anger and danger.


Anger is a normal human reaction to certain situations. A little anger, once cleared away, can lead to great make-up sex. Or not. But anger in itself is not danger. Chronic anger is.


What are the deal-breaker anger signs? From my perspective as a student of human nature and as one who has read lots and lots about what makes relationships healthy or unhealthy (dangerous), I have three signs for deal-breaker anger danger. If your relationship has even one of them, please consider ending the relationship. Run, don’t walk, to the closest exit out of the dangerous person’s life.


1)   If he/she EVER puts hands on you in anger, even if apologies follow, this signals danger.

2)   If he/she in anger ever emotionally targets you to humiliate, embarrass, or demean, this signals danger.

3)   If he/she, while angry, talks about wanting to hurt you physically, even if it doesn’t happen, this signals danger.


Sometimes chronically angry people try to smooth things over by giving you presents or assurances or apologies. If this happens frequently, end the relationship.


Don’t risk association with toxic people. Chronically angry folks are destructive of their own souls and those around them. Don’t put your mental or physical health in danger by staying with them.


  1. You're so, so right. Tweeted this, because folks need to see it.

    PS: You may up your comments count by turning off the Word Verification step. :-)
    Some Dark Romantic

    1. Thanks so much, Mina. I appreciate that! Thanks for reminding me about verification. I meant to do it, then plumb forgot! Thanks for coming by. I'll be checking you out, as well.

  2. Well said Angelica, I remember wanting to slap an ex once, he was more sad boy than angry man, but I recognised my own anger as a danger and am happy to say I have moved on to a relationship that deals with issues lovingly, even if I still get grumpy occasionally.

  3. How mature of you! I'm not saying you don't feel like striking out, but acting on that impulse is where the danger lies. It's as if a line has been crossed, and it is so much easier to keep going on that path than turn back. You sound as if you get it about how relationships need to address the inevitable issues we all face.