Thursday, September 27, 2012

Sex and the Single Movie

Lots of famous movie lines sexually loaded and filled with innuendo. Many of them are hysterical. And quite a few reveal relationship truths. What are your favorites? Add some in the comments section below so we can all enjoy them. Meanwhile, read over the few I’ve collected and see if any of your favorites are here.

Monty in “Waiting": "See the way I see it, with chicks, there's really only two possible things that can happen, either they won't sleep with you, and there's really no need to ever call them again, or they do sleep with you, and there's really no need to ever call them again."

Rick in “Casablanca”: “We’ll always have Paris.”

Maria Singer in “Fight Club”: “I haven’t f**ked like that since grade school.”

Elderly woman diner in “When Harry Met Sally” re faked orgasm: “I’ll have what she’s having.”

Bonnie (while caressing a gun barrel) in Bonnie and Clyde: “But you wouldn’t have the gumption to do it.”

Alvy Slinger in “Annie Hall”: “That sex was the most fun I ever had without laughing.”

Alvy Slinger in “Annie Hall”: "Hey, don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone I love."

Command center voice in “Moonraker” re James Bond who is screwing on the spaceship: “I think he’s attempting re-entry, Sir.”

Mitch in “City Slickers”: "Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place."

Gym teacher in “Mean Girls”: "Don't have sex, because you will get pregnant. And die. Don't have sex in the missionary position, don't have sex standing up, just don't do it, OK? Promise? OK, now everybody take some rubbers."

Christi Ann in “Strictly Sexual”: "I know that everyone's a little... self-conscious about how good they are in bed and I was never really, I guess, great in bed because I didn't read Cosmo's latest article on how to please my man because I don't read those magazine articles and, quite frankly, I haven't really been too concerned about pleasing him.”

Joe in “Strictly Sexual”: “I like f**king. I like it a lot. Who doesn't? But people make such a big deal out of it. There's so much emphasis put on appearance. I don't know why. I've had sex with fat girls, with skinny girls. It's really all the same.”

Delores in “Who Framed Roger Rabbit”: “Is that a rabbit in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?”

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Weird Sex Facts: Part 2

The previous blog on weird sex facts was fun, wasn’t it? I have compiled more fun, so keep on reading for to get more factoids to share at cocktail (?) parties.  If you still aren’t satisfied (???) check out the page of sites for weird sex facts (page on right hand side) that I drew from.

311 is the police code for indecent exposure.

Sex burns 360 calories per hour.

Norman Mailer published The Naked and the Dead with the word “fug” as an alias for the four-letter word.

The band “Steely Dan” took its name from a William Burrough’s novel (Naked Lunch) in which a prostitute uses a dildo named “Steely Dan”.

The band Buzzcocks took their name from the erection bus and truck drivers get (“bus cock”) from engine vibrations.

The band “W.A.S.P.” is an acronym for “We Are Sex Perverts”.

“Lovin’ Spoonful”, a band, is slang for semen.

There are 80 reported cases of men with two penises.

Humans, bonobo monkeys, and dolphins are the only ones who “do it” for pleasure.

Condoms exposed to smog and ozone are less effective.

The average man ejaculates about 10cc of semen, about 1 teaspoon.

Semen contains only 15 calories.

Semen has 150 mg of protein, 6 mg of fat, 3 mg of cholesterol, and 11 mg of carbs.

The higher the room temp, the hotter the orgasm.

85% of the men who die from heart attacks during intercourse are cheating on their wives.

A woman is more likely to cheat on her mate while ovulating.

Saturday, September 22, 2012

Was Jesus Married? Who Cares?

I don’t usually address current hot topics, because, well . . . just because! But in a blog dealing with relationship issues, it seems as if I should share my thoughts about Jesus’ marital status.

Decades before the tiny 1 ½” x 3” scrap of papyrus was found and echoed around the world, I had a professor in a college class (lost mostly in the mist of time) tell our class that at the time, it would have been unusual for a Jewish man of His age not to be married. In fact, so odd would it have been, that that would have been noted and part of the record. I don’t know if that is true, nor do I care.

I took classical Greek in college, but that is so far in the past, I cannot pretend to be able to translate the Coptic Greek of the papyrus found. The added concern of unknown provenance would make any scholar/translator nervous. So, I will trust that the translation we have been given is accurate. There are numerous online articles re this topic, but in case you haven’t heard about it, here is the link to the first one I read:

I know that translators have huge power in shaping our beliefs by the words they put into the Bible. For example, in the Christmas story, the actual translation should have been, “Peace on Earth to men of good will.” Now that’s a different message!

Also, “virgin” was substituted for “unmarried young woman”. Maybe Mary was virginal, but not necessarily. These sorts of choices shape the religion being described.

I have long been fascinated by the Gnostic gospels, those early Christian church accounts NOT selected to be in the official canon. I have many of them and find them an intriguing read. Were a different group were to be selecting those books, we might well have the gospels of Matthew, Mark, Luke, John, and Thomas. Maybe the Gospel of Mary Magdalene would have appeared and be read by us.

The point is the New Testament was formed from the selections of books that the early Christian church leaders thought best to form their church around. Of course they had to make choices. Some of those Gnostic gospels had Jesus doing the equivalent of magic tricks and weren’t credible. So they had to pick, but what criteria did they use? If women were to take a less prominent role in the early church, then leaving out Mary Magdalene’s account makes sense. Women could play a support role, but not be priests. If the Jesus they wanted to base the religion around were unmarried, it would be easier to go with celibate clergy later down the road.

I don’t care. Married or unmarried, the moral actions of the historical Jesus are what should matter to Christians. What guidance is provided should trump inconsequential questions of marital status.

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Weird Sex Facts--Part 1

In my continuing efforts to provide you with information, I went searching for weird stuff you may not know about sexual matters. Wow! Now that is an interesting hunt! Oh, and the number of spam e-mails offering to enhance body parts I do not own have skyrocketed. What I do for you people!

Anyway, here’s some stuff I found interesting. I’ll do more of these next blog and sometime down the road. The world of sex is fascinating!

1/3 to 2/5 of women report orgasms lasting 30-60 seconds.

It takes 116 muscles to orgasm.

Average male orgasm, 3-5 seconds.

Average female orgasm, 5-8 seconds.

The record for the most female orgasms in one hour: 134.

The record for most ejaculatory orgasms in one hour: 16

Percentage of people who orgasm every time they have sex: Men, 75%; Women, 29%

10% of women report being multi-orgasmic.

While the average guy can have another orgasm after 30 minutes, that varies by age. The average for 18-year-olds is 15 minutes and 60-year-olds is 20 hours.

26% of women have trouble regularly reaching orgasm vs. 2.5% of men.

On average, men can sustain an erection for 30-45 minutes.

70-80% of erectile dysfunction is caused by medical problems rather than psychological.

Frequent erections provide the penis with oxygen-rich blood. Without that, a tough tissue forms that can interfere with blood flow. Spontaneous erections while awake or asleep may be nature’s way of ensuring the blood flow.

73% of seventy-year-old men are able to get it up.

15% of people say they’ve had sex at work.

For every “regular” web page, there are five pornography pages.

Thursday, September 13, 2012

The Book Waitress: A Review

Do you like your paranormals sprinkled with romance. Well, this is your author.  Deena Remiel just keeps getting better and better. You might know her from her Brethren series. Those “mangels” of hers are like no angels you’ve met!

In Remiel’s newest offering, The Book Waitress, Camille is one kick-ass librarian by the end of the book. Can’t wait to see her in books two and three (coming out soon), Devil du Jour and Demon ala Mode.

Not to spoil the story for you, but Camille finds herself a reluctant librarian in a small island’s library. At sixes and sevens in her personal life, she doesn’t like the disruption of a forced job change as well. But, of course, where would the story go if she’d been all giddy about the opportunity? Woulda been a different book!

When her past collides with her present, Camille faces challenges none of us could imagine--or survive. This paranormal suspense has plenty of twists and turns. And it doesn’t hurt that Camille partners with a hunky investigator to save not just her life, but the world.

Check out The Book Waitress for a quick (only 100 pages) jolting ride into the world as it may become. Is this “the end of the world as we know it”?

Monday, September 10, 2012

Weird Sex Laws

I don’t know about you, but if two consenting adults want to engage in kinky sex or unkinky sex, it’s not my business. So why is the government--local, state, and federal--making laws? Get outta my bedroom!

There are websites out there that sniff out weird sex laws (posted at end) that you have just got to check out. Here’s a sample:

*Bestiality is okay in Utah as long as there’s no money involved. (If you did pay, who would get the cash?)

*Women can go topless in Arizona since breasts aren’t sex parts. (Just don’t try to breastfeed in public. That is sinful in most places.)

*You can’t have stand-up sex in a meat freezer in Wyoming. (So, can you sit or lie down instead?)

*You can’t climax during foreplay before your partner does in California. (Wow! Busted! I mean if the foreplay is good, it’s gooood.)

*No sex toys allowed in Alabama. (Only bought ones or can’t you make your own either?)

*Women can’t wear patent leather shoes in Cleveland, OH. (Are those Catholic school girl stories true???)

*You are not allowed to masturbate while watching people have car sex in Clinton, OK. (Gee, sounds like it would be hard to resist with the right peep show going on.)

Don’t even think about having sex, in Idaho, if the two of you aren’t married or be prepared to pony up $300 or spend six months in jail. (Wow, talk about a way to fill jail cells.)

The lesson of today’s blog is BE CAREFUL (even more than Mom said). Check out your locale before any hanky panky. Be safe!

Sunday, September 9, 2012

Welcome to My Blog on Love and Relationships

As a young teen, when I first heard that Nevada allowed legalized prostitution, I was appalled. Didn't those people read the Bible? With age and perspective and lots of experiences, I have moderated my views.

Now this is not to say that I am necessarily advocating for legalized prostitution, just that people should consider the pros and cons. I'll be writing about some of those issues here.

I am Angelica French, and the fact that I write erotica might lead you to believe I am a libertine. Not so. In my world, there are rules and there are dumb rules. For example, states with laws restricting what adults do in their own bedrooms, as long as it doesn't break other rules like hurting people, are dumb rules. There are some lulus out there I'll be writing about.

I also want to delve into the history of sexual experiences--like prostitution and sexual mores--and invite you to learn some more about them. Sex is a primal need of humans. It is healthy, rich, and necessary, not just for procreation.

Come again and comment on topics of interest. You might even suggest possible blog topics I could work on and post.

Remember: the happiest married couples have sex frequently!

You can get more of my thinking on Twitter @RomanceRighter or Facebook at Angelica French. Follow me!