First interracial Marriage, Then Gay Marriage, and Then . . . ?

With the legal acceptance of gay marriage, I am wondering what other sexual no-no’s will be toppled next. But first let me say, that I thought it stupid that interracial marriage, kinky sex, and gay marriage were ever forbidden. Really?

I’ve always said that maybe, when and if there is too much love in the world, maybe I’ll object to someone in a non-traditional relationship. Non-traditional meaning, that’s not what mine is. Right now, we are in no danger of that. So, love away, everyone. Love whomever you wish. Love however you wish.

Except?

What about polygamy?

Now, I know polygamy was a commonly accepted marital pattern long before modern times. There were reasons for it, I suppose. Women died at an alarmingly high rate from complications of pregnancy and childbirth. A hardscrabble, subsistence lifestyle meant more hands available could help ensure survival. Men can spread sperm faster than women can pop babies so more women means more potential children.

But that’s not the modern story in first world countries. In the United States polygamy has been condemned and outlawed since a Supreme Court ruling in 1878. Why? The holy book roots that the colonists followed certainly supported in a positive way, plural, simultaneous marriages. How did monogamy win out?

First some background. Polygamy (many spouses) is the broad umbrella term for plural, simultaneous marriages. Within polygamy, one can have polygyny (many wives, the most common form of polygamy) or polyandry (many husbands).

Polygamy is legal in 58 of 200 sovereign states. According to Wikipedia, a study in 1988 identified the marriage patterns of 1,231 societies. Of these 1041 had frequent or occasional polygyny, 4 had polyandry, and 186 practiced monogamy. Hmm! A bit outnumbered.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polygamy

In 2000, a United Nations committee said polygamy violates a covenant on civil and political rights and that countries should abide by the treaty and eliminate polygamy. But there are so many countries, primarily Muslim ones, that didn’t agree to the treaty that there has been little effect from the recommendation.

In general, the objection seems to be that polygamy hurts women and children as abuses in the FLDS (fundamentalist Mormon) cases have demonstrated. However, some argue that by legalizing polygamy, it will be easier to fight the abuses that are already covered by other laws, such as child abuse, underage marriage, and rape of young girls forced into marriage. Bringing the marriages into the open sheds light on what is really happening. Some say. I’m not so convinced.

One way around the polygamy laws is to have a legal marriage and then have legal adulterous relationships simultaneously. Polygamy results without the legal sanction. You hear stories of this in the news periodically. And there are popular TV shows like the reality show, “Sister Wives”, and fictional shows like “Big Love”, that promote the polygamous lifestyle choice.

Another big objection to polygamy is economic. One needs a substantial family income to support the such large numbers living together. A complaint about FLDS plural marriages is that the families often go on welfare to ensure that families have enough to eat and a large enough home to live in. Some say, fine. Make that lifestyle choice. But no government help will be provided if you do so. Who suffers? Children and women who are denied adequate nutrition and healthcare. How can that be right?

People are curious how families like this manage. Manage financially, socially, emotionally, and physically. Most of us have trouble juggling one spouse and kids! We wonder how our own insecurities and jealousies would play out in a polygamous setting. So we watch these shows to see how they do it. And tickle our brains with could we/should we live a polygamous lifestyle?

P is for Polyamory and Polygamy

     An author friend, Margie Church, and her co-author, K.B. Cutter, just released the second book in their “Razor’s Edge” polyamorous trilogy published by Sizzler Editions. Love’s Storm continues the tale begun in Desire’s Edge. I cannot wait for book three!

     Bryce, Amy, and Raine forge a triad in which each is a partner with the others. What some might call a ménage a trios , the “Razors Edge” trilogy is way beyond that label. Polyamory is the new, hot buzz word in erotic romances.

     Let’s break it down etymologically. Poly- is many. -amory is love. -gamy is marriage. Many loves. Many marriages. Got it?

     Polyamory is not polygamy. In traditional polygamous relationships, one person (typically male) marries multiple partners of the same gender (typically female). The power in the relationship rests with the One, and the others must share the One’s attentions, often unevenly.

     The U.S.’s most famous polygamous town is on the border of Utah and Arizona, Colorado City. State law enforcement officials have disrupted the power structure there due to abuses of women and young men amid charges of underage sexual relationships and forced marriages. Still, polygamy prevails.

     Do not mistake polyamory for an “affair”. Polyamory is an equal-power relationship among all the (typically) multiple mixed-gender partners. However, polyamory isn’t by definition limited to mixed gender relationships. And in a polyamorous situation, attention is shared among the partners equally. This creates a much more complex set of relationship interactions than in the traditional couple mode.

     Whereas polygamists engage in illegal “marriages”, polyamorous participants usually don’t. But they have come to an agreement on the terms and conditions governing the relationships and behaviors allowed.

     Polls tell us Americans generally favor allowing a legal union of same sex couples, as do I. Will allowing polygamy or polyamory legal status be our next acknowledgement of the variety human sexuality can take?

     Where in fact is the legal line? Or should there even be a limit on love?

M is for Monogamy

This ought to be “T is for Taxes” day, but it’s not--but it is! So confusing!

 

No, today is M is for Monogamy. Many aver that monogamy is the ideal state, though the evolutionary record wouldn’t support that view. Spreading the wealth seems to be a more, ahem, productive strategy.

Still, monogamy reigns, at least in the U.S. (Stop back by to check my “P is for . . .” post later this week!)

Why is that? Of course, we’re not in danger of running out of people anytime soon, so that may be one factor. We don’t have to rely on propagation as a way to increase the effectiveness of tribal living. In fact, the over-population of our species puts a strain on clean air and water as well as other resources. But that would be a political discussion, and we don’t do that here (at least not often!).

I believe monogamy is so important, so privileged by the media and laws, because we aren’t in survival mode, most of us reading this post. And those in survival mode don’t have their lives improved by having multiple sexual partners.

A professor in my distant past told us that art developed and flourished once survival wasn’t the all-consuming job of every member of the tribe. With leisure--even limited leisure, not a lot--the human instinct to create and leave something behind was allowed to manifest.

I think that’s true of monogamy. We have the luxury to keep attention to one partner since we’re not vying for survival of the fittest or trying to increase population. And monogamy’s a whole lot easier than juggling multiple partners’ needs and desires. Is it “natural” to seek monogamy or counter to our genetic structure?

I believe monogamy is an invention, so to speak, of the relative freedom from survival struggles.

Or not! Why do you think monogamy is the preferred status of most couples?