There seem to have been two times in my life when I have or
have had large numbers of women friends who were unattached. When I was in the
beginning of my post-high school education and early career, most of my friends
were unmarried, some unattached even, as we prepared for and established our
professional lives.
I was not a monogamous dater as some of my friends were. I
loved juggling a bunch of guys, probably a power trip on my part, but whatever.
Some friends were serial daters and that was okay, too. We were young and loved
being in love but backed off if things got too serious. Until THE ONE, of
course. My ONE came along much later than others’, but that was okay, too.
Now, in my “third chapter”, as Sara Lawrence-Lightfoot (TheThird Chapter: Passion, Risk, and Adventure in the 25 Years after 50) refers to it, I
find, yet again, that I have large numbers of unattached women friends. Odd,
isn’t it, this cycle of life?
At this stage, most of my unattached friends are either
divorced, widowed, or both rather than still seeking the first commitment. It’s
strange to find myself in the same, yet different place. It feels like the same
stream in many ways, yet is not. Not really.
Conversations, as in earlier years, often cycle around to
whom one is seeing and how that’s working out. Only it’s different now. Now the
talk might be of how difficult it is to find someone just to go to movies and
sports events with. Guys of “a certain age” appear to be more interested in
hook-ups than hanging out. Whereas, my women friends are more interested in
companionship than in cohabiting. They want a friend to spend time with, to snuggle
with (or perhaps more), but they want the relationship in that order. Not a
quick hook-up with no later dates.
Ha! But maybe that was always the case. Maybe women evolved,
but men didn’t? Maybe men are still in the “notches on the belt” stage? That
sounds harsh, but I’m just reporting what I hear.
If you’re a woman “of a certain age”, what do you want out
of a relationship at this stage of life?
Next week, Karen Chilton Wilder will be here sharing about types of guys she's dated. Nice companion piece, eh? Please come by next Tuesday.
I want deep companionship--the kind you find when compatible souls spark. A little kink between the sheets is never a bad thing, but I need that companionship first. If I can't bare my soul to him, why would I bare anything else?
ReplyDeleteI suppose in a drive-thru world, we're looking for something worth lingering over. Men who are the right age don't seem to share that compulsion. There are a thousand six-foot boys wandering the sidewalks, but where are the men? Perhaps the well-groomed fella parked on the bench reading a novel is too easy to overlook.
Angel, I absolutely agree. Looking in unusual places (like Home Depot) can help, too. Taking one of those classes they offer (or at the wine store!) might reveal some of the good ones. Thanks so much for stopping in. I hope to see you here again.
DeleteI'm still married, and to the same man, for over thirty years, but I have many (girl)friends who are currently unattached for the reasons you mention.
ReplyDeleteI go out a lot with my (girl)friends. We go to the cinema, for lunch, for a coffee, shopping, for long walks. We support each other and listen to each other, and laugh and have fun with each other. I don't have a similar relationship with men, not even with my husband. I don't know why. Is it even possible? It's a fascinating topic. When I finish my current historical nove series, I'm already planning on writing about 'mature' romantic relationships.
Please keep me updated, Luccia, on that planned work on mature relationships. We sound so much alike (re marriage and girlfriends)! I wrote a blog piece a while ago about how we need more "crone lit" ("chick lit" for those of us "of a certain age"). I'm going to check out your site! Please come back to visit again.
DeleteI'd like companionship, affection, and perhaps the "other", but no in the form of a casual hook-up. I'd love holding hands, walks on the beach, snuggling for a movie, or...I tried the online-dating and what a nightmare of untruths and misleading pictures and conversations. It does seem next to impossible to even find a man over 50 to flirt with, much less date. :) They're either hiding, or they have their eyes glued to their phone or tablet. Sigh....
ReplyDeleteThat is exactly what triggered this post, Fiola. There is a mismatch among my friends and the men they have dated. Sigh, indeed! They don't know how to be intimate without sex, I guess. Too bad they'll never know what they're missing. Thanks for stopping in. I hope you'll be back.
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