There seem to have been two times in my life when I have or have had large numbers of women friends who were unattached. When I was in the beginning of my post-high school education and early career, most of my friends were unmarried, some unattached even, as we prepared for and established our professional lives.
I was not a monogamous dater as some of my friends were. I loved juggling a bunch of guys, probably a power trip on my part, but whatever. Some friends were serial daters and that was okay, too. We were young and loved being in love but backed off if things got too serious. Until THE ONE, of course. My ONE came along much later than others’, but that was okay, too.
Now, in my “third chapter”, as Sara Lawrence-Lightfoot (TheThird Chapter: Passion, Risk, and Adventure in the 25 Years after 50) refers to it, I find, yet again, that I have large numbers of unattached women friends. Odd, isn’t it, this cycle of life?
At this stage, most of my unattached friends are either divorced, widowed, or both rather than still seeking the first commitment. It’s strange to find myself in the same, yet different place. It feels like the same stream in many ways, yet is not. Not really.
Conversations, as in earlier years, often cycle around to whom one is seeing and how that’s working out. Only it’s different now. Now the talk might be of how difficult it is to find someone just to go to movies and sports events with. Guys of “a certain age” appear to be more interested in hook-ups than hanging out. Whereas, my women friends are more interested in companionship than in cohabiting. They want a friend to spend time with, to snuggle with (or perhaps more), but they want the relationship in that order. Not a quick hook-up with no later dates.
Ha! But maybe that was always the case. Maybe women evolved, but men didn’t? Maybe men are still in the “notches on the belt” stage? That sounds harsh, but I’m just reporting what I hear.
If you’re a woman “of a certain age”, what do you want out of a relationship at this stage of life?
Next week, Karen Chilton Wilder will be here sharing about types of guys she's dated. Nice companion piece, eh? Please come by next Tuesday.