Tuesday, March 3, 2015

Dating and "Women of a Certain Age"


There seem to have been two times in my life when I have or have had large numbers of women friends who were unattached. When I was in the beginning of my post-high school education and early career, most of my friends were unmarried, some unattached even, as we prepared for and established our professional lives.

I was not a monogamous dater as some of my friends were. I loved juggling a bunch of guys, probably a power trip on my part, but whatever. Some friends were serial daters and that was okay, too. We were young and loved being in love but backed off if things got too serious. Until THE ONE, of course. My ONE came along much later than others’, but that was okay, too.

Now, in my “third chapter”, as Sara Lawrence-Lightfoot (TheThird Chapter: Passion, Risk, and Adventure in the 25 Years after 50) refers to it, I find, yet again, that I have large numbers of unattached women friends. Odd, isn’t it, this cycle of life?     

At this stage, most of my unattached friends are either divorced, widowed, or both rather than still seeking the first commitment. It’s strange to find myself in the same, yet different place. It feels like the same stream in many ways, yet is not. Not really.

Conversations, as in earlier years, often cycle around to whom one is seeing and how that’s working out. Only it’s different now. Now the talk might be of how difficult it is to find someone just to go to movies and sports events with. Guys of “a certain age” appear to be more interested in hook-ups than hanging out. Whereas, my women friends are more interested in companionship than in cohabiting. They want a friend to spend time with, to snuggle with (or perhaps more), but they want the relationship in that order. Not a quick hook-up with no later dates.

Ha! But maybe that was always the case. Maybe women evolved, but men didn’t? Maybe men are still in the “notches on the belt” stage? That sounds harsh, but I’m just reporting what I hear.

If you’re a woman “of a certain age”, what do you want out of a relationship at this stage of life?

Next week, Karen Chilton Wilder will be here sharing about types of guys she's dated. Nice companion piece, eh? Please come by next Tuesday.

6 comments:

  1. I want deep companionship--the kind you find when compatible souls spark. A little kink between the sheets is never a bad thing, but I need that companionship first. If I can't bare my soul to him, why would I bare anything else?

    I suppose in a drive-thru world, we're looking for something worth lingering over. Men who are the right age don't seem to share that compulsion. There are a thousand six-foot boys wandering the sidewalks, but where are the men? Perhaps the well-groomed fella parked on the bench reading a novel is too easy to overlook.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Angel, I absolutely agree. Looking in unusual places (like Home Depot) can help, too. Taking one of those classes they offer (or at the wine store!) might reveal some of the good ones. Thanks so much for stopping in. I hope to see you here again.

      Delete
  2. I'm still married, and to the same man, for over thirty years, but I have many (girl)friends who are currently unattached for the reasons you mention.
    I go out a lot with my (girl)friends. We go to the cinema, for lunch, for a coffee, shopping, for long walks. We support each other and listen to each other, and laugh and have fun with each other. I don't have a similar relationship with men, not even with my husband. I don't know why. Is it even possible? It's a fascinating topic. When I finish my current historical nove series, I'm already planning on writing about 'mature' romantic relationships.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Please keep me updated, Luccia, on that planned work on mature relationships. We sound so much alike (re marriage and girlfriends)! I wrote a blog piece a while ago about how we need more "crone lit" ("chick lit" for those of us "of a certain age"). I'm going to check out your site! Please come back to visit again.

      Delete
  3. I'd like companionship, affection, and perhaps the "other", but no in the form of a casual hook-up. I'd love holding hands, walks on the beach, snuggling for a movie, or...I tried the online-dating and what a nightmare of untruths and misleading pictures and conversations. It does seem next to impossible to even find a man over 50 to flirt with, much less date. :) They're either hiding, or they have their eyes glued to their phone or tablet. Sigh....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That is exactly what triggered this post, Fiola. There is a mismatch among my friends and the men they have dated. Sigh, indeed! They don't know how to be intimate without sex, I guess. Too bad they'll never know what they're missing. Thanks for stopping in. I hope you'll be back.

      Delete