Frost’s quote popped up on Facebook and shortly thereafter
was shared at my local romance writers monthly meeting.
I get what Frost was saying. Yes, I get it. And yes, I
believe it. But doing it? Aye, there’s the rub!
To be really genuine, truly authentic in writing, to tell
what you fear most is in itself terrifying. Honesty may be the hardest trait
for an author accustomed to making up stuff. That would mean writing about a
very troubled relationship with a father, a cousin’s sexual abuse when young,
estrangement from a brother, admitting to the lies told, revealing disguises.
Oh, how I admire the “ Girl on a Wire” author-bloggers like
Karen Chilton Wilder who fearlessly opens herself for all to pick at like a clam
lying open on the shore, shredded by gulls. Her books also open up wounds and
lets them bleed in front of us. And she’s not the only one.
And I admire the people who write revelatory books about
really big deal topics like Jody Picoult does so well. And she’s not the only
one.
But to step off the ledge that way is difficult for most of
us. You have to trust your parachute will open, that the net is furled below
you, that the fall won’t smash you to pieces. And most of us just aren’t
willing or have enough faith to do that.
We couch it in terms of privacy. We tell ourselves that it’s
no one’s business we engaged in adultery, or had that abortion, or felt
responsible for the death of a child during an accident, or shoplifted some
jewelry. Why reveal a child let go to adoption, or the affair with a best
friend’s husband, or cheating on an important exam?
See, just reading this makes you wonder, “Which of these
admissions belong to Angelica?”, right? That’s one reason some authors hide our
own peccadiloes. We want your regard. We fear your opprobrium.
I have come to realize, very slowly over the years, that
tapping into my well-spring of disappointments and sins doesn’t mean,
necessarily, revealing all as in a supermarket tabloid. Rather it means going
deeper than the transgression, down to the feelings surrounding it. Guilt,
fear, anxiety, relief, disgust.
It is capturing what it means to be disgusted at an action
and translating that into a character’s response and actions. Honesty,
authenticity come from releasing the pus of the abscess and using it as ink to
write your scenes.
You need not reveal it was you who had an affair with a
professor, but you do need to probe what led to the decision and how one could
get through each day anticipating yet dreading the next encounter with its
concomitant fear of discovery.
Yes, that’s the authenciticy, the honesty authors owe
readers. So, while I may never confess what I have done, and we all have our
share of secrets, I do need to draw the mucky water beneath the clear to find
truths hidden within to share with my readers. I have to pick at the scabbed-over
memories and transfuse that blood into genuine action and words in my stories. Readers will
know if I do.
Ha! I find it difficult, if not impossible, to have any faith that a chute will open, or even to hope that there is a chute-- but having been a poet first, then a songwriter, and only after that a fiction writer, I'm used to throwing myself off of the ledge just to see how far down it goes. I think that poetry (reading & writing) can help us learn to expose ourselves to the truths that are necessary; necessary to face, and to reveal. At least, that has been my experience, and something I've seen in a few others.
ReplyDeleteI have always admired poets: the discipline to pare down an idea with only the most essential words! I never thought about that being the case with revelations of truth. Thanks you for the insight, Exploding Mary! You are one of the genuine ones!
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