An apology. I have been remiss in posting here. My
daily Month-of-Recipes on another blog interfered with keeping up with the
other three blogs. But, I’m back and will post weekly again.
Recent allegations of
sexual abuse, assault, and harassment have rocked the entertainment and
political fields as well as the corporate one. Frankly, the avalanche surprises
me.
The national consciousness
should have been raised when Anita Hill made credible claims against Clarence Thomas
in 1991. Why didn’t that happen?
It should have been raised
with all the smoke (and likely fire) around the Clinton allegations. Why didn’t
that happen?
Anthony Weiner, anyone? Why
didn’t that happen?
A candidate for the presidency
admitting that he could grab women’s genitals with impunity. What took us so
long to get on board the train to restraint and decorum?
Why was Weinstein the straw
that broke the camel’s back? Since that story broke—and broke, and broke, and
broke—we’ve seen a veritable avalanche of men—and a few women—fall down the
mountain. Some from waaaay up high!
I am really puzzled as to
why this took so long to happen. Why didn’t we earlier understand that harassment,
assault, and sexualization was damaging and demeaning and damnable? Why now with
#MeToo?
But the floodgates have
broken, and the amount of reported abuse in various forms is staggering. However
. . .
If only humans always acted
in ethical ways, there would be no reason for those 10 Commandment thingies.
But we don’t. And as a result we have a number of people coming forth with abuse
claims that may be lies. Lies told, perhaps, to retaliate for a perceived
wrong. And how do we know what is true?
I was heart sick when some
names were put on the accused list. True? Not true? How can one tell in a
he-said, she-said situation? Without witnesses, without corroborating evidence,
it comes down to who does one believe, especially in a single instance.
When there are multiple
accusations, it’s sort of like the old “does smoking cause cancer?” debate. We couldn’t do
controlled studies to make some people smoke and see if they developed cancer,
so while there could be no causative evidence gathered (in a scientific sense),
the preponderance of correlative evidence swayed scientific (and public)
opinion.
Is that the same here? With
multitudes coming forward, Harvey Weinstein certainly appears guilty to us. Why
not Bill Clinton? There are still deniers, just as there are for our current
president.
But my concern here, beyond
the fact that these scumbags, all of them, ought to suffer for their misdeeds,
is the spreading web that might encompass the innocent wrongly accused. Or
those who didn’t know touching a woman’s shoulder could be offensive to her.
The conversation that is
long overdue is a national airing of the continuum of behaviors and their
perceived intent. It’s time to figure out the continuum from flirting to
crossing the line.
We need to figure out
criteria that spell it out. Reasoned talk recognizing that one woman’s harmless
flirtation is another woman’s assault. How can that be reconciled?
Everyone knows rape is
morally and legally wrong. But is touching a woman’s back and rubbing it over
the line? At the line? Okay? What is flirting? When does flirting become
stalking?
Paul Ryan’s call for
mandated training—like any mandated training—will have little effect, I
suspect. Without dialogues and clear guidelines and people understanding there
is a range of toleration among women, nothing will really change. This is about
power, ultimately, not sex. And people who perceive themselves as having power
will continue to abuse it.
As we are seeing, however,
holding people publicly and financially accountable, the modern version of
stocks in the town square, will have more effect. But will the range of abuses
just become more subtle, go to ground? Is that a solution?
Jane Seymour sees it from a different perspective, based on her own #MeToo experience. She believes that in
many cases, women have to know what their own line is that cannot be crossed,
and then make that clear. Too many of us are concerned with not making waves,
with being agreeable. We may be uncomfortable but don’t know how to stop it.
That is the case with a couple of my #MeToo experiences. We must help girls
grow into women with a strong sense of self so that we nip offensive behaviors
early on. And each of us will have a different tolerance along that continuum.
92-year-old Angela Lansbury
took it in the back when she raised the question of modesty in dress. She asked
if women bear any responsibility when clothing today is meant to attract attention.
Lansbury was attacked as if she meant that women were to blame. Read her whole
statement. That’s not what she said or meant.
Music personalities dress
more than provocatively encouraging that kind of dress enter the mainstream. Moms
of pre-teen girls express concern about clothing options available. Billboards,
music videos, movies all sell sex through dress.
“No” always did and always
will mean “no.” Just because someone dresses provocatively doesn’t mean he or she
is asking for an invasion of personal space. But can you see how that might not
be clear to a guy who doesn’t know the woman? Who doesn’t really get “the rules”?
Who wonders why she would dress to attract if she doesn’t want the whole
enchilada? Men are from Mars, you know.
We live in an age of, if
not free-love of the 60s and 70s, then relatively cheap love. Having sex is not
fraught with the same societal dictums of the past nor even the same judgment.
No one gets a Scarlet Letter A anymore.
But what is your line? How
do you make the line clear? Is Seymour right, that we need to control the
situation more than we have been?
I am NOT one of those who
says she asks for it if she dresses like that, yet, why are they dressing
provocatively? I’m puzzled. I don’t want to go back to pioneer days with every
body part covered, but, seriously?
Facebook:
Angelica French challenges us to figure out what the next steps are beyond
#MeToo. Are there ways to stop the abuse? http://bit.ly/2EYAXKZ
Twitter:
@RomanceRighter challenges us to figure out what the next steps are beyond
#MeToo. Are there ways to stop the abuse? http://bit.ly/2EYAXKZ
