I’m in one. Are you?
Healthy relationships with
a significant other or with family is really the same thing. Oh, sure, there
are different dynamics influencing familial versus romantic relationships.
After all, you didn’t choose your family, and odds are good there is some
baggage going back to having to share a bedroom or chafing against rules you
considered arbitrary.
But the principle is the
same. Healthy relationships are characterized by some very specific
characteristics. None of them are new to you, but in article after article
these popped up, so there must be truth to them.
You can sort most of what
you find by researching healthy relationships into several broad categories:
Trust, Respect, Communication, Shared Values, and Intimacy.
Trust is
bedrock for healthy relationships. The person you love should be unfailingly
trustworthy. My online dictionary says trustworthy people are: dependable,
honest, direct, principled, truthful, ethical, loyal, faithful, staunch and
more. Is your partner one you can always
count on for support? Do you believe what heesh tells you?
Respect isn’t
just deep admiration for one another. It goes more deeply to having regard for the
other’s wishes, rights, traditions, and feelings in a non-judgmental way. You honor
one another’s differences and treat one another kindly despite disagreement. In
a respectful relationship, the past is let go. Once a disagreement is resolved
it’s never resurrected. Holding onto grudges represents a lack of respect.
Communication is essential for relationships that work. No topic is off limits. No
judgments are formed based on past experiences or present perspectives. The
partner may express concerns about issues or stances, but the lines remain open.
Also, in healthy relationships people talk to one another about what’s
important (and even unimportant) rather than assuming the partner knows how to
read minds. “He ought to know . . .” is the route to hurt feelings and deeper
misunderstandings. Communication also means that sometimes you spend time in
one another’s company in companionable silence. Through communication, couples
make decisions and move forward with life.
Shared Values is another critical component. The most important shared value is a
total commitment to the relationship and making it work. You and your partner
need not have all the same goals or identical values, but they need to be
compatible. Think of yourselves as a Venn diagram. The middle section is where
you are the same and supportive of one another. The two outer sections are your
individual strengths, interests, talents, and identity. The strongest,
healthiest relationships are when two people are fully realized, actualized.
Each has a strong sense of self so each can engage in the give and take in
relationships.
Intimacy
is so much more than sex. Oh, yeah, sex is important to many of us. It ought to
be equally important to partners in a relationship. But if true intimacy is
missing, sex is just an exercise routine. My online dictionary says intimacy is
closeness, familiarity, rapport, affinity, friendship, togetherness, warmth.
Your partner ought to be your best friend. You experience joy and sorrow together.
When you are so connected to one another, the sex act isn’t an act!
As to novel writing, there
is plenty of fodder here to show healthy and unhealthy relationships in your
stories. Use these five as a template for healthy relationships. Or when there
is a breakdown in one of the five, show how troubles arise and are dealt with.
Want more? Come back next
week for the signs you’re in an unhealthy relationship.
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