Wednesday, November 29, 2017

5 Signs of a Healthy Relationship


I’m in one. Are you?

Healthy relationships with a significant other or with family is really the same thing. Oh, sure, there are different dynamics influencing familial versus romantic relationships. After all, you didn’t choose your family, and odds are good there is some baggage going back to having to share a bedroom or chafing against rules you considered arbitrary.

But the principle is the same. Healthy relationships are characterized by some very specific characteristics. None of them are new to you, but in article after article these popped up, so there must be truth to them.

You can sort most of what you find by researching healthy relationships into several broad categories: Trust, Respect, Communication, Shared Values, and Intimacy.

Trust is bedrock for healthy relationships. The person you love should be unfailingly trustworthy. My online dictionary says trustworthy people are: dependable, honest, direct, principled, truthful, ethical, loyal, faithful, staunch and more. Is your partner one you can always count on for support? Do you believe what heesh tells you?

Respect isn’t just deep admiration for one another. It goes more deeply to having regard for the other’s wishes, rights, traditions, and feelings in a non-judgmental way. You honor one another’s differences and treat one another kindly despite disagreement. In a respectful relationship, the past is let go. Once a disagreement is resolved it’s never resurrected. Holding onto grudges represents a lack of respect.

Communication is essential for relationships that work. No topic is off limits. No judgments are formed based on past experiences or present perspectives. The partner may express concerns about issues or stances, but the lines remain open. Also, in healthy relationships people talk to one another about what’s important (and even unimportant) rather than assuming the partner knows how to read minds. “He ought to know . . .” is the route to hurt feelings and deeper misunderstandings. Communication also means that sometimes you spend time in one another’s company in companionable silence. Through communication, couples make decisions and move forward with life.

Shared Values is another critical component. The most important shared value is a total commitment to the relationship and making it work. You and your partner need not have all the same goals or identical values, but they need to be compatible. Think of yourselves as a Venn diagram. The middle section is where you are the same and supportive of one another. The two outer sections are your individual strengths, interests, talents, and identity. The strongest, healthiest relationships are when two people are fully realized, actualized. Each has a strong sense of self so each can engage in the give and take in relationships.

Intimacy is so much more than sex. Oh, yeah, sex is important to many of us. It ought to be equally important to partners in a relationship. But if true intimacy is missing, sex is just an exercise routine. My online dictionary says intimacy is closeness, familiarity, rapport, affinity, friendship, togetherness, warmth. Your partner ought to be your best friend. You experience joy and sorrow together. When you are so connected to one another, the sex act isn’t an act!

As to novel writing, there is plenty of fodder here to show healthy and unhealthy relationships in your stories. Use these five as a template for healthy relationships. Or when there is a breakdown in one of the five, show how troubles arise and are dealt with.

Want more? Come back next week for the signs you’re in an unhealthy relationship.

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