Q is for Quiz

     I’m a quiz junkie. “Is Your Relationship in Danger?” “Ten Ways to Tell if He is Cheating” “Could She be The ONE?” I just can’t help myself. I find them interesting for what they tell me about myself. Will I get insights so I can intervene and not be one of the negative relationship statistics?

     Well, if you’re still reading this, then you are, too! Maybe it was all the testing they did on us as kids that permanently wired our brains to seek and take tests to challenge ourselves and our understanding. Whatever!

     I put together a little quiz for you based on reading myriad relationship articles to do this blog and my relationship tweets over the years. I hope you have fun with it! It’s pretty simple. Pick the yes or no column based on whether or not you mostly agree or mostly disagree with the statement.

     Check the ones you agree with in the yes column; if it doesn’t describe your relationship, check no. Add them up at the end.

Yes	No	Statements:
		Our arguments never end. We continue them fight to fight.
		We don’t try to impress one another with our looks anymore.
		I don’t remember the last time either of us said “thank you”.
		Date night often gets bumped for other commitments.
		We don’t do little things for one another anymore.
		I keep track of who does what to make sure it’s fair job sharing.
		I more often use a snappish tone with him/her than with others.
		It seems nothing I do, say, or wear is acceptable.
		I don’t remember the last time we just laughed at nothing.
		We do more group dates than just the two of us.
		Sometimes I imagine life without him/her.
		Sex is okay but not as exciting as it once was.

If you marked 8-12 Yes, you are having relationship problems. Seek professional help/counseling if you want to save the relationship. If not, bail now and do both of you a favor.

If you marked 4-7 Yes, you should look to the areas you need to change. You can save this relationship with some work on both parts. But if you have to do it alone at first, it could be worth it.

If you marked 1-3 Yes, welcome to the real world. Who said it would be perfect? Don’t give up trying for perfection, however.

If you marked 0 Yes--Yeah! Right! Ha ha. That's a good one!

P is for Polyamory and Polygamy

     An author friend, Margie Church, and her co-author, K.B. Cutter, just released the second book in their “Razor’s Edge” polyamorous trilogy published by Sizzler Editions. Love’s Storm continues the tale begun in Desire’s Edge. I cannot wait for book three!

     Bryce, Amy, and Raine forge a triad in which each is a partner with the others. What some might call a ménage a trios , the “Razors Edge” trilogy is way beyond that label. Polyamory is the new, hot buzz word in erotic romances.

     Let’s break it down etymologically. Poly- is many. -amory is love. -gamy is marriage. Many loves. Many marriages. Got it?

     Polyamory is not polygamy. In traditional polygamous relationships, one person (typically male) marries multiple partners of the same gender (typically female). The power in the relationship rests with the One, and the others must share the One’s attentions, often unevenly.

     The U.S.’s most famous polygamous town is on the border of Utah and Arizona, Colorado City. State law enforcement officials have disrupted the power structure there due to abuses of women and young men amid charges of underage sexual relationships and forced marriages. Still, polygamy prevails.

     Do not mistake polyamory for an “affair”. Polyamory is an equal-power relationship among all the (typically) multiple mixed-gender partners. However, polyamory isn’t by definition limited to mixed gender relationships. And in a polyamorous situation, attention is shared among the partners equally. This creates a much more complex set of relationship interactions than in the traditional couple mode.

     Whereas polygamists engage in illegal “marriages”, polyamorous participants usually don’t. But they have come to an agreement on the terms and conditions governing the relationships and behaviors allowed.

     Polls tell us Americans generally favor allowing a legal union of same sex couples, as do I. Will allowing polygamy or polyamory legal status be our next acknowledgement of the variety human sexuality can take?

     Where in fact is the legal line? Or should there even be a limit on love?

O is for Obfuscation

O is for Obfuscate

 

     “Eschew obfuscation.” Remember that saying on a t-shirt? But sometimes, isn’t obfuscation a way to a greater clarity?

     In the case of t-shirt philosophy, obfuscation allows for the puns that cause us to respond to the message. Consider the following seen past and present:

“Baroque? Get some Monet.”

“Let’s eat, Grandma. Let’s eat Grandma. Commas save lives.”

“Without art, Earth is just ‘eh’.”

“I’ll be Bach.”

“Writer’s block is when the voices in your head don’t talk to you anymore.”

“Be careful or you’ll end up in my next novel”.

“I found this humerus.”

“ ‘i before ‘e’ except after ‘c’. Weird.”

      In order to enjoy the above, several aspects are assumed by the penner of the saying:

         You get cultural references.

         You know about word play and puns.

         You have some understanding of spelling, grammar, and punctuation.

         And you enjoy the twist that makes the saying pithy.

     Obfuscation leads to clarity. Surely you agree. At least in the case of t-shirt philosophy.

     However, sometimes we writers inadvertently obfuscate. I am know in my writers’ groups for calling fellow scribblers for “unclear anaphoric referent”.

     Huh? Oh, you’ve done it. We all have. Anaphora is (if you recall your Greek etymology), “referring back”. Referent is what is being referred to. Got it? So “unclear anaphoric referent” means you, as the reader, cannot tell what the author’s “it” or “that” or “this” refers to. Better to delete those words (using the “find” function) and put in the real deal.

     So “eschew obfuscation” in your writing. Unless you write t-shirt slogans.

 

N is for Novel

     Today “N is for Novel.” One function novels serve that is rarely addressed among novel readers when discussing why they read is bibliotherapy.

     Huh? Well, that’s a word out of the counseling literature describing the approach to helping readers understand more about situations unfamiliar to them or to cope better with situations similar to theirs by observing how novel characters do.

     I was really into bibliotherapy (back in the day). I must have been pretty dangerous as a non-licensed psychologist advising acquaintances to read specific novels in order to get insights into why they were screwing up their lives! (Apologies, friends.)

     Still, there IS something to bibliotherapy in the hands of a qualified practitioner who also knows a lot about novels.

     You’ve done it, and so have I. We connect with a novel’s character. We connect with an event. We learn another way to react, respond, reply as we observe our fictional friends coping with similar situations. 

     When one reflects on the novel’s handling of life events, when one sees those connections to one’s own life, the novel has an impact that lasts beyond the closing of the novel. 

     I believe that is why most of the books I read, I cannot recall later. Whereas, books that keep popping into my consciousness are novels that had a bibliotherapeutic effect. I learned something as a result of having read that particular novel. And the life lesson learned is what keeps the book fresh for me. Of course, that is where the polysemous nature of the word, novel, comes into play, too!

M is for Monogamy

This ought to be “T is for Taxes” day, but it’s not--but it is! So confusing!

 

No, today is M is for Monogamy. Many aver that monogamy is the ideal state, though the evolutionary record wouldn’t support that view. Spreading the wealth seems to be a more, ahem, productive strategy.

Still, monogamy reigns, at least in the U.S. (Stop back by to check my “P is for . . .” post later this week!)

Why is that? Of course, we’re not in danger of running out of people anytime soon, so that may be one factor. We don’t have to rely on propagation as a way to increase the effectiveness of tribal living. In fact, the over-population of our species puts a strain on clean air and water as well as other resources. But that would be a political discussion, and we don’t do that here (at least not often!).

I believe monogamy is so important, so privileged by the media and laws, because we aren’t in survival mode, most of us reading this post. And those in survival mode don’t have their lives improved by having multiple sexual partners.

A professor in my distant past told us that art developed and flourished once survival wasn’t the all-consuming job of every member of the tribe. With leisure--even limited leisure, not a lot--the human instinct to create and leave something behind was allowed to manifest.

I think that’s true of monogamy. We have the luxury to keep attention to one partner since we’re not vying for survival of the fittest or trying to increase population. And monogamy’s a whole lot easier than juggling multiple partners’ needs and desires. Is it “natural” to seek monogamy or counter to our genetic structure?

I believe monogamy is an invention, so to speak, of the relative freedom from survival struggles.

Or not! Why do you think monogamy is the preferred status of most couples?

L is for Launch

I am in the enviable, but scary, position of getting to plan launch parties--virtual and RT (real-time)--for two novels coming out this year from two different small presses! Yikes!

For those who are not authors, you may wonder what in the heck a launch party is and how it can be RT and Virtual. Here’s is your quicky guide for when your own books are unleashed on the world on their way to the New York Times Best Seller List!

A launch party happens when the book is first available for purchase, and you want to introduce it with as big a splash as possible.

Here’s how I planned my book RT launches (I will cover my virtual book launches at my two blogs later):

1)   Id themes that run through the book and specific locations mentioned. Is there any connection between the two?

2)   List venues that are compatible with themes, locations, or both.

3)   Create a budget for the event.

4)   Plan events, giveaways, activities, speakers.

5)   Make a list of who to invite/inform (media, guests).

6)   Get permission to hold the event from someone with authority. That includes sharing what you want to happen, when, and for how long.

7)   Invite media and other guests and have a great time!

For Mission Impastable (culinary mystery, Oak Tree Press), the launch is scheduled for a kitchen store in my local mall. I’ll demo pasta-related gadgets (to connect to the title and recipes in the novel), guest will solve mini-mysteries, and I will offer to sign books after I talk a bit about how wonderful it is! I am distributing postcards with book info/cover on one side and a recipe from the book on the other. I can’t cook and serve food at the mall since I don’t have insurance, license, blah blah. Sigh.

The launch for Streetwalker (erotic romance, Sizzler Editions) is scheduled in my home for a smaller number of guests. The Pure Romance consultant (sex toys, lingerie, etc.) will present info about sexual health and issues as well as intro her products. I will intro my book. Guests are asked to wear glam clothes (to simulate Harlan’s x-rated prom dress look in his salon). I will serve food with a sexual overtone (cupcakes that look like nipples with nipple rings, for example). We’ll have cocktails and conversation. Since it is an e-book, I need to share a link for purchase. I am giving away a bookmark with book cover and purchase info on one side and “Carrie’s Top Ten Sex Tips” on the other.

I’m excited about doing a book launch (never done it before, of course!) for two books. I’m bound to get one of them right. Right? Launch away! Share your book launch ideas in the comments section.

K is for Kitchen

Harlan reveals an episode from his teen years that took place on a kitchen’s chopping block counter. Carrie found it an amusing tale (tail?). It reveals a lot about him and his family.

Carrie (my protag from Streetwalker) is not much for cooking, but she isn’t wild about Harlan’s insistence on eating healthfully either, so every once in a while she just has to indulge.

If she baked, she’d sneak into the kitchen at night and here’s what she would make. And it’s so easy, even Carrie could bake these Nutella Brownies--with cinnamon, of course.

Nutella Brownies (12 mini-muffin servings)

½ c  Nutella                                  ¼ c mini choc chips
1 large egg                                    ½ t cinnamon

1 t olive oil                                    ½ c chopped nuts
5 Tbsp flour

Heat the oven to 350 degrees. Line a 12-cup mini muffin pan with paper or foil liners or spray with Pam.

Put the Nutella, egg, and oil in a medium bowl and whisk until smooth and well blended. Add the flour and whisk until blended. Add chocolate chips. Add cinnamon, if using.

Spoon the batter into the prepared muffin tin (about 3/4 full) and sprinkle with the chopped nuts.

Bake until a toothpick comes out with wet, gooey crumbs, 11 to 12 minutes (longer for a chewier brownie).

Set on a rack to cool completely. Serve immediately or cover and store at room temperature for up to 3 days. She’d sprinkle on powdered sugar to make them prettier.

Whereas, Harlan would not approve of the treat, Carrie might convince him with a side-show in the kitchen as an enticement to look the other way!