Making Color Wheel Relationships Work

All colors are the friends of their neighbors and the lovers of their opposites.

-Marc Chagall

I have always been struck by Chagall’s work. He touches me deep in my soul. I resonate to the richness of his palate and the magnitude of his vision. Have you seen his mosaics in downtown Chicago? Amazing! 

When I happened across this quote somewhere, it too struck a chord. Of course, on the surface the quote is about the color wheel we all learned about in school. Shades can be together in a room thus blues, purples, greens—they all harmonize. But for energy, we put red and green together, opposites on the color wheel, and magic happens.
Not to get too political, but it’s the season, eh? 

Politically, I fear that we are in for more of the same bitterness and divisiveness that has dominated both Arizona and national politics for too many years. Why can’t we all just get along? As an educator, I couldn’t choose not to teach certain children because they were unlike me. I couldn’t choose to disregard the opinions of other teachers who disagreed with me. We all had to work together, because it was about the children. Not about me. Not about you. Not about a philosophy. We came together around a common goal and found common ground so we could move forward. 

The issues confronting our states and nation are mammoth. So call me naïve, but isn’t it the legislators’ job to solve the problems not focus on how they can begin campaigning now for the next election? Do the work you are being paid for, and do it not because of the pay, but do the work because anything else should be unacceptable. Legislators, find common ground and the solutions we desperately need to get out of this mess. Be the red and green and make magic happen.

Compromise is not a four-letter word! 

Benjamin Franklin said, “Compromisers may not make great heroes, but they do make great democracies.” Yep! 

Considering the Chagall quote in writing terms, think of how the quest for this quote could be the theme of your next novel. People similar to one another get along just great, but the opposites-attract scenarios spice up the action. It is one thing to tolerate one so different from you. To love that person, well, that takes some work. Think of the plot points you can exploit! Write away, Reader!

Why People Cheat and How to Use That in Your Novel

I came across an intriguing article that spurred my plot-line thinking. “An Expert Look at Why People Cheat” (http://bit.ly/1sqLGy3) got my attention because of the relationship Carrie and Harlan share in my erotic romance series. In Streetwalker, Carrie senses something is off with Harlan’s sexual appetite and his continual search for more and different sexual experiences. His sexual behaviors make it very difficult for him to commit to a monogamous relationship with Carrie, even though he wants it. In Sex for Sale, book two, more is revealed about Harlan’s condition and the two seek help in dealing with it.

But, back to the article, in situations where there is not a medical condition, what makes people stray? Why do they cheat even when they know they’ll be caught? Can’t you see how you could build a great plot line and interesting characters with that information?

In the interview with Dr. Gilda Carle, she shares the research on cheaters and addresses issues like what qualifies as cheating, what are the signs of cheating, how do cheaters justify their behavior, rebuilding trust after cheating, can cheaters change, and more.

So to extend the information into our own books, let’s take a look at some of these elements.

The signs of a cheating partner include taking more care with personal appearance, regularly makes excuses for being late or not showing up at all, and stops listening to you. Probably your gut knows before you do.

Of course, not everyone with excuses is a cheater. We would hope attention to personal appearance is for your benefit. But, if flags go up, the partner should be attentive. In a book this can look like an ordinary-looking paranoid wife expecting her gorgeous husband to stray. She drives the wedge because of her unjustified jealousy. Or he slowly begins to notice that she is absent a lot and when he calls her cell, she doesn’t answer. He wonders if she is faithful. Lots of ways a writer can go with suspicion, paranoia, and found evidence.

Cheaters may not feel guilty at all because they rationalize and justify their behavior.

In your book, the protagonist is feeling neglected by a workaholic boyfriend. One of her co-workers is sympathetic and gets her to go out with a group to form her own life and associations. If the boyfriend isn’t available, don’t sit around waiting for him. Develop other interests and friends. Of course, this has the potential for meeting another lonely guy who girlfriend travels a lot. See where it’s going?

What qualifies as cheating?

Any behavior that splits your time, attention, and/or affection is cheating. So imagine a guy whose wife goes to bed early, but he’s a night owl. He finds some dating sites and decides to play around using a pseudonym--just for fun, he tells himself. Then he happens on a high school friend on the site. She was a queen, back in the day, but appears to have had a rocky time with relationships since high school. They connect. Wife finds out. Hubs claims nothing happened, nothing will happen, just re-connecting. But he spends more and more time on the computer with his friend neglecting communication and time with his wife.

“Once a cheater, always a cheater” is not necessarily true.

People can and do change. A book premise might be that she really wants to change but he doesn’t believe her. Another is that he doesn’t want to change but he wants her to believe he does so he can have it both ways. A third premise is that she doesn’t want to change but he really wants her to so he goes to extreme measures to help her change. See how each story line and the concomitant characters will be very different?

I could go on, but I think I made my point. Click on those Internet articles and quizzes and then let your mind play, “What if …”.

Life and Romance Quotes

I collect romance quotes. They are revelatory of life’s vagaries and pathways. As a writer, I use these quotes in a number of ways. One way is to sprinkle them into tweets for @RomanceRighter. People like quotes and retweet them a lot.

There are life lessons in some of these quotes I interweave in character development or plot points. Imagine this quote by Erica Jong being used to define who a character is at heart:

“If you don’t risk anything, you risk even more.”

Is she too timid to take risks? Was she affected by failure when she last risked something? Should one take risks? In taking risks, what are the factors to consider?

Some of the quotes can be the basis for plotting. Take the first quote below:

“Man is a knot into which relationships are tied.” (Antoine de Saint-Exupery)

Imagine a story whose mother has long apron strings. She could have an approach-avoidance or passive-aggressive relationships with family and friends. What secrets does she hide about herself and others as she protects the family?

See how that works for writers? But you know what, I just plain enjoy the sentiments, too, whether the engender tears or laughter.

Man is a knot into which relationships are tied.  ~Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

Having someone wonder where you are when you don't come home at night is a very old human need.  ~Margaret Mead

If you want to feel rich, just count the things that money can’t buy. ~Proverb

Shared joy is a double joy; shared sorrow is half a sorrow.  ~Swedish Proverb

Remember, we all stumble, every one of us.  That's why it's a comfort to go hand in hand.  ~Emily Kimbrough

If you don’t risk anything, you risk even more. ~Erica Jong

Don't smother each other.  No one can grow in the shade.  ~Leo Buscaglia

For lack of an occasional expression of love, a relationship strong at the seams can wear thin in the middle.  ~Robert Brault

Sometimes it is the person closest to us who must travel the furthest distance to be our friend.  ~Robert Brault

Assumptions are the termites of relationships.  ~Henry Winkler

"Life is like a moustache. It can be wonderful or terrible. But it always tickles."   ~Nora Roberts

I like her because she smiles at me and means it.  ~Anonymous

Hope is a waking dream. ~Aristotle

Someone to tell it to is one of the fundamental needs of human beings.  ~Miles Franklin

In the end, who among us does not choose to be a little less right to be a little less lonely.  ~Robert Brault

You can kiss your family and friends good-bye and put miles between you, but at the same time you carry them with you in your heart, your mind, your stomach, because you do not just live in a world but a world lives in you.  ~Frederick Buechner

Present your family and friends with their eulogies now - they won't be able to hear how much you love them and appreciate them from inside the coffin.  ~Anonymous

Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind.  "Pooh!" he whispered.  "Yes, Piglet?"  "Nothing," said Piglet, taking Pooh's paw.  "I just wanted to be sure of you."  ~A.A. Milne

I felt it shelter to speak to you.  ~Emily Dickinson

Are we not like two volumes of one book?  ~Marceline Desbordes-Valmore

Trouble is part of your life, and if you don't share it, you don't give the person who loves you enough chance to love you enough.  ~Dinah Shore

Lust is easy.  Love is hard.  Like is most important.  ~Carl Reiner

Basically, the only thing we need is a hand that rests on our own, that wishes it well, that sometimes guides us.  ~Hector Bianciotti
 

Let us be grateful to people who make us happy, they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.  ~Marcel Proust

When something is missing in your life, it usually turns out to be someone.  ~Robert Brault

To know when to go away and when to come closer is the key to any lasting relationship.  ~Doménico Cieri Estrada

Some people come into our lives and quickly go.  Some stay for a while, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never, ever the same.  ~Flavia Weedn

No road is long with good company.  ~Turkish Proverb

If fame were based on kindness instead of popularity, on understanding and not on worldwide attention, you would be the biggest celebrity on earth.  And to my heart, you already are. 

Are there particular relationship quotes you remember, quotes that resonate with your life? Share some in the comments section.

Date Night

If you’ve been following me here, you know that I read lots of those Internet articles and magazine features on relationship flaws, successes, and pitfalls. Love ‘em!

One recurring theme is that you have to keep a relationship fresh. Yeah. After 30+ years of marriage. Yeah. Got it! Does a different lunch menu every day count? Well, it might for some.

You see, DH made his own lunch for decades. He packed a luncheon meat turkey sandwich, chips, grapes, and a couple of cookies. When he retired, and thus was home for lunch, I told him to get over it. We weren’t going to eat sandwiches every day, with or without processed meat. If he didn’t like it, he could continue to make his own lunch. He ceded to me. Now we’ll have soup or quiche or taco salad or something else. Never the same lunch twice in a row. BORING! So that ought to count for keeping the relationship vital, fresh. Right?

I’ve never seen lunch variety in the list of how to keep love alive, but, hey, why not? There are so many ways to show love. The way to a man’s heart blah blah blah.

Oh, I do other stuff, too. No showing up in Saran Wrap at the door (not the way this body has spread out all over God’s green Earth), but I do keep it snappy in other ways. Like putting in a mysterious notation in his appointment book. (On the patio, 6:30) Or sending him a “just because” card from Bluemountain.com.

 But I think the most successful way of reconnecting is our date nights. We don’t have it regularly scheduled like some do, which means some weeks we have two date nights and some months we only have two date nights. That doesn’t seem to matter.

I think date nights are successful for a few of reasons:

1)   We plan them together so there is time spent in anticipation as well as the time together on date night.

2)   Date nights encourage best behaviors. We would never argue on date night. It’s light, bright, and happy.

3)   Date nights get us to try new venues, experiences, and therefore create new topics of conversation.

4)   We dress differently so we think differently. Clothes do add a dimension to an experience whether fancy dress for the opera or swim suits for scuba diving.

5)   And “date nights” don’t have to be at night to count as a date!

As a teen, anticipating dating and looking at my parents’ times together, I wondered how in the world I could sustain conversation for the several hours a date lasted, never mind years and years of marriage. Whatever could one find to talk about after so much time together? Don’t you just love how concrete and naïve young daters are?

Conversation is not at all a problem, I discovered, with the right guy at the right time. Date night or not, time with my fella is a treasure I value over all else. But I do love date nights.

“5 Relationship Signs You Might Misread”, Another Internet Article

This could become a mini-series of articles from the World Wide Web, I can see.

As authors, we’re always looking for fresh approaches to relationship issues with our characters. Well, go to the people doing the research to find out what is really going on. Or at least in response to that researcher’s questions. It ALWAYS comes down to what is asked and how! I learned that as a doctoral student.

For example, the typical romance book sets us misunderstandings, misperceptions, and just plain misses when describing how characters’ relationships are, like tectonic plates, slipping around all over the planet.

In this article, “5 Relationship Signs You Might Misread” by Caroline Stanley, (http://yahoo.match.com/y/article.aspx?articleid=9492&TrackingID=526103&BannerID=1483956

) I see so many possibilities for plot lines. Let me summarize the article and then how I’d use the elements.

Sign #1: You’re not as physically affectionate as you used to be with each other.

Sign #2: Your date drops the “L” word early on in your relationship.

Sign #3: Your sweetie stops getting spruced up for date night.

Sign #4: Your date wants to go literally everywhere with you.

Sign #5: Your partner stops offering to pick up the tab on dates.

Often in relationships the behavior is interpreted differently by the parties involved. That accounts for much of the drama in romantic relationships as well as in romance books. How many times have you heard, “Communicate!”?

So you think not being physically affectionate (sign #1) means the party is over, the thrill is gone, time to move on. When that could signal that the dust of the lust part of the relationship has settled, and now the real deal, the forever love is beginning.

How different is that? Communication could clear it up. But rarely does.

In a book, this misunderstanding might lead to months apart as each searches for the perfect match only to find one another again and realize the love is still alive. Awww! Hugs and kisses. HEA!

Sign #2, the L word used early, makes you think you’re soul mates. Ah, but the partner, the L word user, is an impulsive sort more in love with the thought of love than the actuality.

In a book, you can see how he starts to regret his impulsiveness when a new bright and shiny object catches his eye. But, he’s declared for you, and so he has to get you to hate him so YOU break it off. What a story line that has been in book after book!

So she isn’t getting spruced up to go out (sign #3)? You think she just doesn’t care what you think of her. When in reality, she may be trusting that you know the real woman she is doesn’t wake up with full-blown make-up and hair in place. She trusts that you want who she is rather than merely the image she has projected.

Oh, I can see this one headed for disaster, too. He becomes a total slob. Is that the real him or merely payback for her relaxation of high-maintenance prep?

The miscommunication of sign #4, wanting to be with you 24/7 begins with you thinking this character really adores me and can’t bear to be separated. When in fact, this behavior could signal major insecurity or appropriate boundary issues. Perhaps jealousy clouds judgment about how much time to be together.

Imagine the scenes in a book of him accompanying her everywhere. She begins to feel suffocated. She resents that she can’t have a separate life. If they get back together, after she breaks it off, their discussion would have to include why it’s important that each person have separate interests, and time to pursue them.

Sign #5 (not picking up the tab) is an especially emotional issue with couples. Next to no time is given to discussing financial issues like debt, financial responsibilities, priorities, and the like. We are uncomfortable with that. So while one partner translate not paying the bill every time with how much value the other places on them and/or the relationship, it could mean a move was made to the next level of commitment that includes sharing financial resources. And that could be a good thing.

Can’t you see, in your book, the girl telling her girlfriends that he doesn’t care anymore or that he’s a leech or that she feels he is taking advantage of her because she earns more? Lots of fodder for drama there!

In case after case, each of these would have resulted in a different outcome if only the partners communicated their concerns, questions, and observations and discussed the meaning. But then, where would the story be?

A Slave's Uniform

I am so pleased to welcome Joelle Casteel back to Romance Righter as part of her blog tour. I know you will find this post as interesting as I did! 

It's day 13 on my blog tour for the re-release of "Out of the Night: Book One" of my Vala's Story serial. Please visit this page if you want to catch up on missed posts. Thank you, Angelica, for hosting me.

Excerpt from "Out of the Night: Book One" Copyright Joelle Casteel

"Chitra, step forward."

A tiny Indian woman raced from around the couch behind The Queen. Her pure black hair curled around her hips, the bangs curling prettily around her face. She was about the same size as Vala except for her slightly smaller chest. Her dark brown eyes were small and intense. On her belly glittered a navel ring, a small silver circle that shone like the moon against her dark skin. A black leather collar, about three and a half inches thick, with a large D-ring attached in front encircled her neck and pushed her chin up. She wore a leather harness which consisted of thick strips of leather that went over her shoulders, between her breasts, going around her sides to meet on her back in a large O-ring same as the straps did in front just below her breasts. To Vala's delight, four large buckles held the straps to the front O-ring. Two connected black strips of leather formed a g-string that hung low on her hips and came up between her legs, just barely covering her lips. Besides these things, she was naked. She knelt before The Queen and said, "My Queen."

"Chitra has been my slave for three months. She is in her official training period.

In this excerpt, we get to see The Queen's training uniform as Vala sees it for the first time on Chitra. No one else in the room is dressed in a similar manner. And while Vala doesn't know exactly when The Queen will collar her, she knows she will be dressed as Chitra is "soon." I can tell you from first hand experience that posture collars like these aren't comfortable. As a submissive, I can't imagine wearing one if my dominant doesn't like them... and well my Master of 13 years doesn't like them, so it's not something I wear anymore. Of course the harness got mentioned in the "Why Re-release?"- I wanted to fix the harness. One of my games in reading, re-writing the books has been "follow what pieces of her uniform Vala is wearing." Because yes, it isn't possible to have vaginal intercourse with a g-string in the way lol. Well not just Vala- I spend the time with The Queen- did he put on jeans? Did he actually put on more than jeans? He may be the Master, but he hates wearing clothes hehe. So yeah, the uniform shows a lot of skin- I live "clothing optional" so it doesn't even phase me. And wait for the post on "the twins"- nope, The Queen didn't put them in a different uniform because they're siblings.

"Out of the Night: Book One" blurb

Restless and world-weary, Mearr isn't about to admit she needs anyone's help, even this gorgeous man who has taken her into his home. Well one of his homes and part of this huge family she's heard about but not met all of. She's young, looks young, and knows it but at least she's legal now so she can pick a new name to go with her new life...

The Queen knows he wants Mearr bad, ever since the first time he saw her in the window of the coffeehouse. He has his plan, but even a Dominant's plans don't always survive the unpredictability of the future. He struggles to figure out this temperamental woman he's brought home, how best to help her. Then he takes her to his mansion...

They wait patiently for The Queen to bring Mearr home. Well to the home they've been redecorating for Him and for the hopes that she'll become part of their family and be trained to please Him. Simon and Tommy have seen her, of course, being The Queen's right and left hands; they say she'll be a perfect addition...

Please come along with Joelle on this journey, shared with the readers in serial fashion. A multitude of "Happily-ever-afters" are waiting with the completion of book 9.

Author's Note: This novel is meant for open-minded adults. Activities described include a wide range of BDSM and sexual activities, some of which are male/male, male/female, consensual slavery, oral/anal/vaginal intercourse, bondage. The story also covers some sensitive topics in characters' backstories, such as drug abuse.

Please join Vala's world. http://joellecasteel.blogspot.com/  https://www.facebook.com/JoelleCasteelAuthor http://authorjoellecasteel.tumblr.com/ and on http://www.goodreads.com/user/show/10571043-joelle

Buy it on-

Smashwords

As they become available, please check on the "My Books" page for links to buy on Amazon.com, Barnes and Noble, and Allromanceebooks.com, if you'd prefer not to buy at Smashwords.

Joelle's Bio:

Joelle Casteel has been writing for as long as she can remember. Explicit, graphic, her writing isn't for minors or the easily offended. Once upon a time, she preferred to write on a PC, sitting on a stool- there were those who told her she looked like Tori Amos playing the piano. She's still trying to get the hang of writing in an arm chair instead, normally with a heavy dog's head resting on her feet, whether she wants that or not. With BDSM gaining a broader audience with various books- which she will not name because she can't stand them- she feels it's past time to put out her impression of what BDSM can look like in reality.

Yeah, I Write Erotic Romance, and I'm Proud of It

I have to learn not to take umbrage. I get it a lot. The sly winks. The horrified looks. The gasps. The queries about how does it feel to write smut/dirty books/trash?

I love writing sex scenes. Yeah, I do. Maybe because I like sex so much. <shrug> Does it really matter why?

But there’s something you have to know. I do not write smut/dirty books/ trash. I write stories about people struggling with the same issues they struggle with in non-erotic romance. It’s just that I add in the very real component of their lives that makes some of you uncomfortable.

In Streetwalker (by Sizzler Editions), my protag Carrie carries around some heavy stuff. (Gee, get why I named her that?) She is a victim who refuses to be one, still, she is affected by past events and lives the life she does because of it. Streetwalker is, at heart, is a story of redemption, recovery and renewal. But if you didn’t get past the first page where she is servicing a John, you might not know that.

So why did I write Streetwalker? To the horrified, the offended, the appalled, here’s an open letter:

Dear Reader (who might be a friend, relative, or unknown to me):

I write stuff you probably don’t like. Even secretly. Because there are some of you who ACT appalled, but you really do kinda like to read explicit sex scenes. You just don’t want others to know that.

Okay by me. I’m a live and let live kind of reading person. But don’t go all hypocritical on me. That I have do have a problem with. If you can’t admit to others you are fascinated by LGBT sex, or BDSM, or even explicit old-fashioned traditional sex, at least don’t go mouthing off about how awful it is that I write it.

I do. End of story. And your opinion doesn’t faze me.

But for others of you, those who are truly horrified, offended, and appalled, let me be an apologist for the erotic romance genre. Not all of it. Just mine.

I’m a farm girl. Sex happens. In fact, it must happen if the farm is to be successful. Spring time! Yay! Frolicking! Summer time! Yay! Babies! That’s how it works.

The beauty of sex among humans however is the emotional component. Because, see, I try to tell a story about the people having hot, explicit sex. And some of them are wounded, some are psychotic, some are insecure, some are just lusty souls reveling in all the good feelings from good sex. But that is true in other stories too. We authors create a panoply of characters to play off one another in various story premises.

I wondered what would happen to a girl sexually abused who only saw herself as breasts and a vagina. How would she create her adult self? Could she ever begin to recover from the horrors she faced and develop self-esteem based on accomplishments and intelligence?

And what happens when you put her with an erudite, sophisticated, professional man who lost it all when he couldn’t keep it zipped? How he reinvented his life revealed his own wounds.

I wondered if they could help one another heal. And that’s why I wrote my book. You may still hate the way I told my story, but I hope you can agree that the story premise is a timeless one.

Sincerely,

Angelica French (who uses 3 pen names for different genres, not out of embarrassment)