G is for Gratitude and Grit

Dr. Martin E. P. Seligman has spent his professional life researching happiness. His latest book, Flourish: A Visionary New Understanding of Happiness and Well-being (2012) goes beyond what it takes to be “happy” to explore a new level; what it takes to “flourish”.

 

His five pillars of well-being, an aspect of “Positive Psychology”, includes Positive emotion, Engagement, Relationships, Meaning, and Accomplishment. PERMA is the basis for those who aren’t just happy, but those who flourish!

 

He identifies seven traits of those who flourish: curiosity, optimism, self-control, social interaction, zest, gratitude, and grit.

 

It’s interesting to observe how Carrie, my protagonist in Streetwalker, incorporates those traits. She moved into Harlan Ledbetter’s Upper East Side bordello, and she flourished, personally and professionally. While she is working on optimism still, for sure she demonstrates gratitude and grit.

 

She knows how fortunate she was to land where she did, when she did, with that particular male “madam”. She expresses her gratitude largely through deeds. Carrie works very hard to show Harlan he made the right decision. She knows that action, resulting in an improved bottom line, will demonstrate her appreciation.

 

And Carrie sticks with what she starts. She is always innovating and improving. She is highly analytical and continues to persevere despite the odds being against her. She demonstrates persistence and resilience, the bedrock features of grit, throughout the book.

 

Check out Streetwalker (coming soon from Sizzler Editions) to see How Carrie embodies gratitude and grit.

 

F is for Fling

Such a fun sounding word, fling is. How light-weight and temporary. Poppycock, and I use the pun advisedly. This Romance Righter is appalled by the casual fling.

 

Why the outrage? What’s the problem with a fling? Monogamy can get pretty damn boring. Maybe bringing some new tricks home can perk up life there, too. Maybe a fling, with the elements of danger, intrigue, and novelty will re-activate a tepid sex life.

 

Yeah, right. Look to thyself if you find yourself spouting bilge like that. Bored? Maybe your partner is, too? And just how do them apples sit in your tummy? What would your reaction be to discovering your partner had a harmless little fling? (I’ve got a tickler file on this one for later novel writing.)

 

Oh, you’re bored? You think you’re the only one bored? Don’t bet the farm on it. Boredom typically cuts both ways.

 

What is at risk is the trust of your partner. What is also at risk is whether or not another partner will trust you after knowing of your betrayal of someone else’s trust. Oh, and did I mention the likelihood (not possibility, but likelihood) of getting and passing along a STD?

 

Is a fling worth eroding trust, the bedrock, fundamental component of a relationship?

 

Don’t kid yourself. A fling is not harmless or without victims. The effects of a revealed fling can resonate way longer than the initial betrayal. You might just be flinging away a relationship for a temporary thrill. Rather, fling yourself back into the original relationship with renewed vigor and enthusiasm. Or do everyone a favor, and walk away before you hurt people even more.

E is for Edits

Warning: explicit text at the end; an excerpt from Streetwalker.

 

E is for Edits. Now how sexy is that? This is adult content? Well, when you write erotic romance, it can be tricky approaching people to be beta readers or giving manuscript pages to your critique group for edits and revisions. They’re such nice ladies. Respectable. One writes children’s stories. Sigh. And just where is YOUR mind???

 

 You hem. You haw. You say, “It’s really, really, really explicit. I will totally understand if you’d like to pass on editing. Or edit but not comment on the sex scenes.”

 

Still, they can’t quite believe it’s true. After all, you’re a mom, a grandma. Happily married. (Or, a thought niggles, is she? Another thought niggles their minds. I’ll bet HE’S happy.)

 

Really, how bad could it be, they wonder?

 

Umm. Really, really, really explicit.

 

I happen to love writing sex scenes, some more than others. Loving scenes are easy. Violent sex, brutal sex, callous sex--those are harder. Still, oddly enough, I find it easier to write the scenes than to use what my mother would call “bad language”. You know--f**k, sh*t, and variants thereof. Don’t you find that strange?

 

I know when I get edits back from my Sizzler Editions editor, Sascha Illyvich, he’s going to tell me Carrie sounds like a Sunday School teacher (well, not quite). And I am going to have to write words I never say aloud. Those edits have to happen for verisimilitude. I get it. But it won’t be comfortable. Sex? Great! Language? Uh oh!

 

Here’s how Streetwalker opens:

 

“Oh, Baby! Oh, yeah, Baby. Oooh, oooh, yeah, oooh. Unhhhhh!” The dock worker held her down while he screamed his release, his hot breath redolent with beer. The smell of diesel fuel on his hands sickened her, dandruff showered her face from patches of thinning hair as he hard-rode her, pinning her shoulders to the thin mattress. The biting jab of aching muscles meant she’d be swallowing another Flexeril after he left. Her skin split where his broken fingernails dug in. He threw back his head and jerked into her two more times before he collapsed, the bulk of him spilling onto the space on either side of her body.

Long ago, Carrie learned to go to “not here” during sex. She tolerated the body pumping into hers if she went somewhere else.

She looked down at his greasy hair covering her tits. She restrained herself from lifting off the dead weight of her john. She knew the rules. He initiated the withdrawal of his limp cock from her pummeled body. He owned her for the remainder of his fifteen minutes. Nine minutes to go.

She waited, still beneath him, afraid her stirring would get him going again. While waiting out her time, she rehearsed the steps of her escape from this hellhole of a whorehouse. After tonight, if it went as planned, everything would be different. No. More. Fucking. Ever. Ever. Again.

 

Edits anyone? You can do so in the comments section. And thanks!

D is for Danger

Did you ever notice that “danger” has “anger” in it? What does that say to you? When we’re talking relationships, chronic anger can be a deal-breaker.

 

As Romance Righter on Twitter (@RomanceRighter), I sometimes get questions from Tweeps about relationship issues. I try to answer them in a practical, commonsense way. Here’s what I have to say about anger and danger.

 

Anger is a normal human reaction to certain situations. A little anger, once cleared away, can lead to great make-up sex. Or not. But anger in itself is not danger. Chronic anger is.

 

What are the deal-breaker anger signs? From my perspective as a student of human nature and as one who has read lots and lots about what makes relationships healthy or unhealthy (dangerous), I have three signs for deal-breaker anger danger. If your relationship has even one of them, please consider ending the relationship. Run, don’t walk, to the closest exit out of the dangerous person’s life.

 

1)   If he/she EVER puts hands on you in anger, even if apologies follow, this signals danger.

2)   If he/she in anger ever emotionally targets you to humiliate, embarrass, or demean, this signals danger.

3)   If he/she, while angry, talks about wanting to hurt you physically, even if it doesn’t happen, this signals danger.

 

Sometimes chronically angry people try to smooth things over by giving you presents or assurances or apologies. If this happens frequently, end the relationship.

 

Don’t risk association with toxic people. Chronically angry folks are destructive of their own souls and those around them. Don’t put your mental or physical health in danger by staying with them.

C is for Carrie and Cinnamon

Betcha can’t pick just one. This is a continual problem I encountered when trying to figure out possible topics for this blog series.

When I got to “c” (I didn’t get very far, did I?), I wanted to write about Carrie, my twenty-something streetwalker in my soon-to-be-published erotic romance by Sizzler Editions, an imprint of Renaissance E Books. But I also was drawn to cinnamon. Now, I love cinnamon. The smell evokes so many wonderful things for me, and as I wrote Streetwalker, I found I had given Carrie a characteristic scent. A bit of cinnamon about her intrigues Harlan Ledbetter, the male madam of a high end brothel she bargains with for part-ownership.

This was inadvertent. I was halfway through the book when I became aware of what I had done (or, rather, what Carrie had done; I remain convinced she wrote this book, and I only channeled it for her.)

But when I came to the realization of the cinnamon scent associated with her, I determined to create a cinnamon perfume. Hey, I could market that along with the book, right?

I’d dabbled with perfume creation a long time ago, so I figured, how hard can it be. I will make this, wear it to book promotion events, everyone will notice, and I can sell “Carrie-the cinnamon scent that harnessed Harlan”. Yeah. Right.

On both counts. Does she really harness Harlan? And why in the hell is this perfume burning my skin and creating little blisters. How unattractive is that to my future customers?

Sigh. Back to the lab (well, my bathroom sink), to try again. I’ll let you know when “Carrie”, the cinnamon-scented perfume is available.

B is for The Big, Fun Sexy Book of Sex

I get two “b’s” for one today! The Big, Fun Sexy Book of Sex.

Put together a sexy TV star, Lisa Rinna, and a sex counselor, Dr. Ian Kerner, and how could you not produce a book that attracts attention?

The Big, Fun Sexy Book of Sex is, well, all of these. I mean with chapter topics like:

Foreplay, Not “Boreplay”

Why Porn is So Popular

Comings and Goings: Ejaculation Issues

From No Go to the Big O

The Ten Step Sex Workout

         The Match Game: Your Libido Type

how could you not love this book?

What kind of lover are you? A Thrill Seeker? A Comfort Creature? If you're opposites, can you meet in the middle?

But this is not just an entertaining sex manual that pulls no punches. The research and insights from the research make this a compelling read on a whole other level.

Pick up The Big, Fun Sexy Book of Sex, 336 pages of interesting stuff about getting your mojo on . . . or back on!

A is for Anticipation

Today’s letter should be “C” for CRAZY! Am I crazy to do this A-Z blog challenge? Twenty-sex, er, -six blog posts in April??? Yes, probably, but that would be no surprise to friends and family!

But today is the beginning of the blogging, and beginnings mean anticipation. I love starting things (not so good on the finishing if I get bored along the way). So today is Anticipation.

Remember the Carly Simon song that includes these words?

“Anticipation, anticipation
Is makin' me late
Is keepin' me waitin' “

I am filled with anticipation. My cup runneth over with anticipation.

For what, you ask? (another “a” word, by the way)

Looking forward to 25 more blog posts? Well, not so much. No, I am anticipating the publication of two novels. I have been a full-time writer for four years. And this year is my breakout year. This is the year I am officially validated--in my eyes--as a professional writer.

I’ll be telling you more about what’s coming up, but for now, let me say that I an anticipating publication of my first erotic romance. Streetwalker (first book in the “Sex Sells” series) will be out an an e-book this spring from Sizzler Editions (an imprint of Renaissance E Books).

A very different book is anticipated for publication from another small press (to be named later). Mission Impastable is the first book in the culinary mystery series, “Dinner is Served”. If you like you mysteries in a sort of cookbook, you’ll love this one.

What are you anticipating? Both the large and the small engender a shiver of delight. Revel in your anticipations.